March 11, 2008
So this is it: the last one, the grand finale, the final hoorah.
It is basically crazy because I still remember writing about how I thought I would not make it through fall conditioning, and here I am in the spring breathing and fully functional. The crazy part about all of it is that I don't even feel like the same person that I was then. These past seven months have been the absolute craziest and hardest months of my life. Our season was so difficult at times with the losing and just the overall turbulence of it all. There were times when I just cried because all I wanted to do was go home. There were times when I wanted to take my crutches and just beat someone. But here I am now, better and stronger because of all of it. I have gotten my heart broken and my foot almost broken. I have had strep throat and two sinus infections. I have failed a conditioning test and gotten myself kicked out of practice. But once again, here I am. That is the oddly wonderful thing about struggle. People, including myself, are always trying to figure out ways to avoid struggle, to dodge the hard things in life. But really struggle is what gives you the power to grow and the power to change for the better. Someone once told me that every day you change. It is up to you to decide if you are going to change for the better or for the worse. This season I feel like I have taken steps forward. I feel like I have changed so much, and that it has been for the better.
My freshman season is over, and already I am in such anticipation for next season. Although losing sucks, I have found it to be a great motivator. It reminds you of the place you don't want to be and of the feelings you don't want to have. At times, this season broke my spirits. Actually, at times it drowned them in a bucket of murky water with no chance of even coming close to the surface. But I have found that like your liver or a lizard's tail, spirits grow back. Mine have and I believe in next year. I believe in my team and in myself. That wasn't always the case, but like I said, I am just not the same person I was seven months ago.